Why Women Can Be Their Own Worst Enemy — And How We Change That Together

By Simone O. Higginbotham | Rebirth Magazine

For generations, women have been told that our biggest obstacles come from the outside — society, patriarchy, lack of opportunity, closed doors, and competing responsibilities. And yes, all of those things are real. But what we don’t talk about enough is the role we play in getting in our own way — especially when it comes to how we treat each other.

We say, “women support women,” but too often, the support only lasts long enough to benefit one person. Too often, we link arms only until our needs are met. Too often, we partner just long enough to gain access, visibility, resources, or opportunity — and then suddenly the connection fizzles out.

This is not judgment. This is truth. And truth is the foundation of growth.

Because if we’re going to move into a season of intentionality, collaboration, and elevation, we must be honest about the patterns that keep us stuck.

1. The Short-Term Sisterhood

Many women have experienced it: the person who sticks around for as long as it benefits them. They contribute just enough to stay connected, but not enough to build anything lasting. They disappear when the work gets hard or when your shine starts shining too brightly.

Short-term sisterhood feels good in the beginning. But it is one of the biggest killers of long-term success among women.

Real sisterhood isn’t seasonal — it’s sustainable.

2. Competition Instead of Collaboration

We live in a culture that teaches women to compete:

Who’s more successful? Who looks younger? Who’s building faster? Who’s being recognized?

But competition is rooted in fear — the fear that someone else’s success reduces our own. The truth? Women rise higher together than we ever could alone. When women collaborate with consistency, we build empires. When we compete, we build enemies.

Every woman reading this has a gift. And no two gifts are identical. There is no need to compete when each of us was called to do something uniquely ours.

3. Not Staying Long Enough to Grow

Some women don’t stay in relationships, partnerships, or mentorships long enough to grow into the person their goals require. They get frustrated and walk away. They get what they came for and disappear. They want support without accountability. Vision without commitment. Results without relationship.

Growth requires time. Growth requires patience. Growth requires staying long enough to learn what you came to learn.

You cannot build legacy with a microwave mindset.

4. We Don’t Leverage Our Collective Power

When women show up for each other with consistency, something miraculous happens:

Doors open.

Opportunities multiply.

Resources shift.

Visibility increases.

Balance returns.

But when we isolate ourselves or treat relationships as transactional, we weaken our own influence.

We have enough power to change communities — but only if we stop acting like we’re in competition and start acting like we’re in covenant.

So, how do we fix it?

1. Commit to collaboration that lasts longer than your needs.

Show up because it’s right — not just because it’s beneficial.

2. Stop treating other women like threats.

Her win is not your loss.

3. Stay long enough to grow.

Doors don’t open for people who quit mid-process.

4. Build with women who want to build with you.

Alignment is more powerful than numbers.

5. Be the type of woman you want to work with.

Consistency.

Integrity

Follow-through

Respect

Accountability

This is the year of intentionality.

This is the year women stop being their own worst enemy and start becoming each other’s greatest resource.

This is the year we get out of our own way.

This is the year we build — not alone, but together.

Because when women truly stand together, we don’t just reach our goals.

We change the world.