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By Verna Gordon As news of heightened tensions between the U.S. and Iran surfaces, there’s a peculiar silence among many Black women — a silence that some might mistake for apathy. But make no mistake: what looks like silence is often exhaustion. For years, Black women have carried a disproportionate burden in this country. From the polls to the protests, from holding up our communities to showing up as the nurturers at home, we’ve continually been called to be strong. Even as policies shift under the current administration — making our healthcare more uncertain, our economic futures more unstable, and our daily realities more dangerous — we’ve remained steadfast. But that strength has a cost. In a moment where international conflicts intensify, you’d expect everyone to jump into debate, to pick sides, to weigh in. Yet for so many of us, Iran isn’t just geopolitical headline — it’s another demand on our emotional bandwidth at a time when that bandwidth is already stretched thin. Some of us feel fear — fear that this will escalate into greater instability at home and abroad. Others feel so deep in survival mode that there’s simply no energy left to invest in what feels like a distant struggle, especially when basic personal struggles like affordable housing, safety, and mental health remain unaddressed here at home. More than anything, what’s surfacing is fatigue: the kind of profound weariness that stems from being expected to hold everything together, all the time. From acting as emotional anchors for our families to serving as voices of reason in our communities, Black women have been the strong nurturers for everyone — even as our own personal worlds feel shaky. And so, this moment is different. Our silence is a language of its own. It’s the language of boundaries, of reclaiming our right to say: We can’t be everyone’s pillar right now. We deserve softness. We deserve to lean into our own healing. We deserve to put ourselves first. In short, we are witnessing Strong Woman Fatigue — the collective soul-tiredness that sets in after years of carrying more than our fair share. This isn’t a disengagement from the world. It’s a radical, necessary pause — a reminder that Black women deserve to tend to their own fires before putting out anyone else’s. And perhaps that’s the most powerful political stance we can take right now.

Let’s be honest: modern dating feels like a toxic Olympic sport where everyone’s got their own playbook, half the contestants forgot deodorant, and the water? Well, the dating pool definitely has pee in it. IYKYK. We’re swiping left on dudes holding fish, dodging love bombers and ghosters, and trying to figure out if that “good morning beautiful” text is sincere—or just sent to five other women before coffee. At this point, finding love feels less like serendipity and more like survival. It’s Not Just You — Dating Really Has Changed If you feel like dating is harder now, you’re not being dramatic. The mix of social media, dating apps, hookup culture, and a global attention span crisis has made intentional relationships feel rare. We’re living in a time where: People confuse attention with affection “What are we?” is a scary question Vulnerability is seen as weakness And everyone’s trying to heal and  date at the same time (often badly) We’re navigating a world where real connection is often buried under layers of unhealed trauma, commitment-phobia, and performative intimacy. It’s exhausting. So, What Do We Do? Swim Smarter. Not Harder. You don’t have to give up hope, but you do  have to date differently. That starts with protecting your peace and raising your standards— and I mean actually raising them , not just reposting memes about “knowing your worth.” Here are a few lessons from someone who’s been treading water for a while: 💡 1. Stop Dating Potential He might be charming, creative, and “working on himself”—but until that potential turns into progress, it’s a no. You’re not a rehab center. You’re the reward. 💡 2. Ask Better Questions Stop asking “What’s your favorite color?” and start asking “How do you handle conflict?” or “When’s the last time you were emotionally available?” If they flinch, you just dodged a bullet. 💡 3. Trust Consistency, Not Chemistry Chemistry will have you ignoring your intuition. Consistency? That’s the foundation of something real. 💡 4. Know When to Walk If you have to question whether someone likes you, they don’t . If they wanted to, they would . If you’re constantly anxious around them, that’s not butterflies—it’s your nervous system warning you. Hope Floats — Even in Murky Water Yes, the dating pool has pee in it. Yes, it’s filled with people still healing, still lying, still figuring themselves out. But you? You’re learning how to swim with discernment. Don’t let a few disappointments convince you that love isn’t out there. It is—but it’s waiting for you to stop wasting time on puddles and start expecting oceans. So, keep swimming, queen. Just don’t drink the water.

Let’s talk about a growing epidemic that too many women know all too well — the hobosexual . No, that’s not a typo. A hobosexual  is a man who jumps into relationships not out of love or loyalty, but out of need  — the need for a roof, a ride, and relief from the responsibilities of standing on his own two feet. He’s charming at first. He’ll tell you you’re “different,” bring his PS5 over, and before you know it — his boxers are in your laundry basket, he’s on your couch full-time, and your  car is his daily ride. Not to work… oh no. To drop you off  at your job, while he loops back home to play 2K, scroll IG, and maybe — just maybe — pick the kids up from school if  he’s not too busy “applying for jobs” that never call back. 🚩 He’s Always Home — But Never Helping Sis, pay attention. A man who can’t build  with you has no business living  with you. If the most he contributes is heating up your leftovers and leaving dishes in the sink, you’re not a girlfriend — you’re a life raft. These men don’t want to lead or support. They want to leech  while pretending  they’re holding it down by doing the bare minimum — like chauffeuring the kids or picking you up late from work. And let’s not forget the cherry on top: wrecking your car . The same car you need to hustle, feed your babies, and make your dreams happen — totaled while he was joyriding with zero insurance, zero job, and zero respect for what you’ve built. 🎮 From Game Room to Grown Man Let’s be clear: love should never be based on what someone has in their pocket — but it also shouldn’t ignore what they lack in drive, direction, and discipline . A grown man doesn't need a woman to “save” him — he comes to the table ready to contribute , not consume. Ladies, love isn’t just chemistry. It’s character. It’s consistency. It’s commitment — and not just to you , but to his own growth. If he’s more committed to Call of Duty than to a career, more invested in convenience than community, it’s time to call it what it is: Dead weight. 💡 Know the Difference Between Help and Being Used There’s nothing wrong with supporting a man who’s working on himself. But there’s a big difference between a man in transition  and a man with no intention . One is moving. The other is stalling — using your home, your resources, and your heart as a cushion for his laziness. You weren’t made to mother a grown man. You were made to partner with one. And the one who’s for you? He won’t come empty-handed and entitled. He’ll come ready to pour in, protect, and build  beside you. 💬 Final Word It’s time to raise the bar. If a man can’t stand on all 10, he shouldn’t be standing in your living room eating your kids’ snacks and hijacking your peace. You deserve more than a man who plays house to avoid building one. You deserve reciprocity, respect, and rest — not another dependent in disguise. Let’s stop confusing proximity for partnership. Let the hobosexuals find another couch. Your love, your labor, and your life are too valuable to waste.